Category: Uncategorized

He is Risen

by madamtruefire1, posted in A different spin, Heart, Loving Kindness, Uncategorized

Today is Easter for the Christians, Passover for the Jews, and the bridge makers of it all sometimes sigh:  What exactly does He is Risen truly mean?  Last night, I watched “Jesus Christ Superstar” again.  I’ve watched it ritually for close to forty years.  Ted Neeley is still playing the part of Jesus in his seventies, and, worldwide.  Where does he get his vitamins to move onward every year?  He imbues the kindness of Jesus as well as his human frustration as he plays that powerful role.  “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” takes on a deeper meaning.  Last night, I put on the captions and actually sang along. Why not?  But as I studied those captions, I realized dialog I had missed even with my repetitive viewing on Good Friday or Holy Saturday.   It became clear that often the lyrics were subtle Sometimes they were evocative:  “Jesus is cool”  voiced by the high Sanhedrin priest.

And then the dialogs of Jesus and Judas.  Clearly the love between the two of them was there as well as the agony.    Tim Rice, the lyricist, is my hero.  He brought the story to life, not just another repetition of something written so long ago.  It is timeless.

Well, here is where I’m going with this blog:  What if  He is Risen was reflected in all our thinking?  What if Redemption, ah the elusive word, was ACTIVE NOW.  Redeem? Rise? Crucifixion? Forgiveness. All the words repeated ritually just might take on a new meaning.

We are smack in the middle of global change whether we wish it or not.  This “Holy Week” I contemplated who actually cooked the Last Supper.  Now there’s a subtle veering to the side  I honestly thought:  Wow!  The girls are at the market buying the lamb today (Tuesday).  Wow! The girls are prepping the roast for cooking and doing side dishes.  I even asked a Jewish friend what kind of side dishes would be at the Last Supper?  Sure it appears humorous but in fact, it’s kind of nice to wonder.  We glean over so much in our rituals.  And then I went to “Who cleaned up the dishes?”  Women quietly did their thing then as we do now but often invisibly.

What I’m trying to say is this:  What if we just threw out all the ritual repetition and allowed ourselves to feel the Rising from a very personal space.  Maybe we could throw out bigotry, judgment and taking any sides and oh yes, TWEET kindness for all.  Sure I’m Polly Anna again but Polly also rises. Our planet, our people, our nations our states, our cities, our homes just might HEAL.

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Echoes on the Wind

by madamtruefire1, posted in Gun Violence, Heart, Human Rights, Uncategorized

At a time when tweets and sound bytes could easily disengage another beautiful day on planet Earth, I pause.  I pause because I can.  I pause because I choose.  I pause because I am in awe.

I’m here to witness CHANGE.  An old Chinese warning is “May you live in interesting times”.  Yes, indeed.  Yesterday, I proudly witnessed our youth marching with determination, focus and courage.  They were not alone. Older people walked beside them and behind them and remained silent.

These kids nation-wide and world-wide were not only gutsy to organize such a grand scale protest; they named it a movement.  Yes!  It isn’t going away after fifteen minutes of fame.  These kids have a plan.  Rolling thunder? perhaps.  But planetary change requires sacrifice, sheer guts and fearlessness.  I saw all of these yesterday and each speaker brought a sense of dedication to standing for an end to gun violence.

There were many moments of heroic speeches that will impact history.  However, the most moving for me was the young girl who read out the names of those ‘sacrificed” in Florida and then stood in silence.  Silence, silence.  Can you hear it? Can you hear the echoes of “Enough is enough, Never Again, and lest we repeat ourselves, shouts from the rooftops, “Never Again!”  Perhaps “never again” needs to become a mantra that is repeated over and over and over and over and over and over.

Please tell me that we won’t slip back into cerebral “conversations” on boring panels in beige meeting rooms with politically correct old people.  The youth are on the move. Yes, indeed, and I’m marching with them in my heart, in my mind and with my pen.

Perhaps we need to take several hours to read the list of everyone killed due to gun violence and then stand in silence, in respect, in grief and in dedication.  Can you hear the echoes or will they be lost upon the wind?

 

We Stand, We March, We Listen, We Shout Enough is Enough

by madamtruefire1, posted in Gun Violence, Human Rights, Marching for truth, Uncategorized

This is a day that the world just may shift on its axis.  It needs to do so.  The youth are marching against gun violence and all that goes with that term. Parents, grandparents, elders and friends are walking beside them, and those who can’t march are sitting and waiting for them to come by and holding this moment sacred and powerful.

We have lost too many innocents in the name of inaction, putting off legislation and, frankly, greed.  The second amendment nonsense is just that….nonsense.  It does not serve anyone in the twenty-first century to be imprisoned in old out dated laws.  And let’s be honest, semi automatic armory did not exist in the time of muskets.  Muskets were personal devices meant to protect an individual, not blow away a classroom.  OK, that’s rough to read but it is also true.  We have no more time to sit and discuss and have dreary legislative or political conversations.  We are losing our nation to nonsense and the inability to take action.

I’ve been silent over this situation since I wrote about Sandy Hook.  And what has been solved since that hideous event?  More kids lost.  More sophisticated repeat rifles and semi automatic guns and more devices to easily convert to that status are now eerily available..

So today, I stand with the courageous kids that are marching worldwide, nationwide, county-wide, city-wide. There should be a sit in on the White House Lawn and every legislative lawn in the nation.  We have all had enough.  Let us not go silent and switch our attention to nonsense.  It is time.

Shout from the rafters.  Shout from the cliffs. Shout from the graveyards. 

Enough is Enough. 

 

A Rare Kind of Courage

by madamtruefire1, posted in Animal Rights, Heart, Loving Kindness, Uncategorized

I lost a true friend this weekend.  She wasn’t human but she possessed the incredible attributes that make fine humans and fine dogs.  Maggie was a Golden Retriever who had become blind in adulthood.  In some ways it might have been easier for her as she had memorized so much of life by the time she lost her earthly eyes.

I pet sat her for a number of years and the very essence of that beloved pup seemed to remain with me even after I had driven away.

We had long conversations out at the common area where she particularly loved a variety of sniffs.   It was miraculous with its soft grass, wildflowers and yes, sniffable spaces.  I like to think she saw it all with her “other” eyes. When I walked her, there were the occasional bumps into objects that she quickly learned.  Later she became frightened of the tile floors that made her slide a bit.  Still, she carefully proceeded down the stairs to her pit which she had dug under a shade tree.  A gentle command of “Down” was all she needed to start the descent, and oh how she loved to roll in the grass. Pure Joy!

I loved sitting in the chair in the lounge with her close at hand.  We were buddies and I often read aloud to her.  Most humans don’t reach that far into pet assignments, but Maggie was NEVER an assignment.  I was honored to be with her whenever her owners called.

I like to think that since it is Chinese New Year, and the year of the Earth Dog, Maggie left at an auspicious time.  I also know that she is somewhere above us watching with her new eyes.  Her very gentleness fills the room as I write this last farewell.

The courage she taught me to go on in the face of all aridity will carry me through for many years to come.  Blindness never stopped her one instant.  It was, well, just something that happened along the way.  Wouldn’t it be fine if we humans had that much detachment and yes, courage?

Paws up to you, Maggins.  (This was my pet name for her).  As I sit and watch the falling snow, tears fall for one of the finest dogs I’ve ever had the privilege of caring for.

Pet sitting has become a true journey of the heart, and this fair girl will be missed, incredibly missed by us all.

 

Me and Maggie Dog

 

Invitations of Various Kinds

by madamtruefire1, posted in Fabulous research, Heart, Humor Insights, Reprisal, Uncategorized

Disclaimer:  this is a casual trip around the cosmos, with absolutely no direction whatsoever.  Caution:  Read at your own risk and not while driving.

Years ago, I read a poem entitled “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain dreamer.  I strongly suspect that this was not her given name but it matters not.  She gave it to herself kind of like my non de plume Madam Truefire.  I’m sure each has its own story of origin. Oriah’s prose poem is not flowery and it doesn’t rhyme.  I envy her that poem because every word speaks directly to my heart. After many years, it remains timeless and most of all precious. I wish I would have written it, but that’s the beauty of words that fly across the page. Sometimes they are mine and I have to wait for the ink to dry.  Other times they are on a printed page written by another author. I get to choose a variety of options: asterisk the line, put a tiny pencil mark at the side, roughly turn the corner of the page down or use yellow out.  It then starts to appear “dog eared” which is an intriguing term.

When I’m reading something fabulous, the yellow out marker makes some chapters literally glow in the dark, and somehow this means I’ve owned the book.

I love buying used books on Amazon and in cool old book stores.  In truth, Amazon gets fairly prissy over the amount of usage.  They don’t have a loved to bits and beaten up and scribbled on choice.  Some of the kooky old nook stores accept books with notes on the side.  I love those notes.  They say:  someone out there read this book too and this is what he/she thought.  Getting a brand new book is a different story.  It is clean, immaculate and no thought forms stalk the pages save one’s own.  It feels sterile and requires owning in the reader’s hands.

When I was in my early twenties , I found myself smack in the middle of what Kerouac called the Beat Generation. By day I worked in tropical medicine research at UCLA  so I wasn’t exactly the type to drop acid and lie around in a pile.  However, my student dishwasher in the lab explored the universe nightly with his eclectic friends. I was invited to some of those soires where philosophy majors, drugs and wine and much pacing and dialog occurred.  I always stayed straight and sober enough to drive home. And hallucinogens were off limits.  I figured I did enough spontaneous trips on my own without them.

When I left that position at UCLA  to go off on a wild goose chase love affair which ended in an off shore marriage, two kids, and a divorce, I felt duty bound to divest myself of certain things.  After all, I was “in love” with a conservative Australian physician.  I needed to rise to some level of dignity.  I needed to grow up. So I began to divest.

I gave that dishwasher my wine stained, dog eared copy of “On the Road”.  He could have squeezed it out and had a good modicum of wine to sip.  That day, he looked at me like I had handed him the Holy Grail.  It’s been over 40 years since that book flew into his possession by fate, and I wonder where that darling boy is.  I’ve tried to find him a number of times, but he remains elusive.  With the way he lived, he may have left the planet.  He loved marijuana and LSD and living on the edge.   His life was one trip after another.  I’ve often thought of that ragged book and that look on his face. It became his bible.

An aside if you will,

I proved my somewhat straight laced life style a number of years later.  The “traveling folks” had progressed from LSD to Ecstasy, the feel good hallucinogen. I called my friend, an opera singer in Malibu.  It was New Year’s Day and I wanted to wish her well.  She was the Empress of Events:  kooky spiritual gatherings in a salon in a mansion above the cliffs that overlooked the Pacific.

I was there for several of her eclectic events and I’m here to assure you that she would never lose her position as Empress.  Of course she was gorgeous with long flowing blonde hair and a voice like an angel.  Couple those attributes with exotic Thai silk caftans and she looked like she floated several feet above the ground.  She also possessed the keys to magic.  We all played our parts in her royal court.  I dutifully lit 100 candles and then set up projectors with slides of beautiful transformational images.  A lovely older black man always showed up to spontaneously create ambiance on the grand piano and jam with that exotic diva.  And then there was the grateful audience who often brought poems or just jumped from their silken pillows to spontaneously recite some eternal truth.

I’ve often wondered if Walden Pond was a bit like this.  Still, Emerson and Thoreau were New Englanders not Californians so it probably was far more reined in.

What I’m remembering now is that during one of her majestic salons, the Empress taught us all freedom, the ability to express beauty in any way we saw it.

But I digress. It happened to be New Years Day around noon.  I dialed her number and that sweet voice of hers drifted across the line.

“Darling!  Happy New Year, Darling!  You must come up and join us! We’re all nude lying around snuggling and need your Divine Presence.  We’re about to do another round of ecstasy.”

Maybe there was a time when I would have accepted that invitation and jumped for my car keys; but that day, the vision of thirty or so nudes on ecstasy, cuddling in a scattered pile was not my preference.  I wasn’t ever a goody two shoes but walking into the room, cold turkey, let alone into a pile of stoned naked hippies did not appeal to me.

I graciously bowed out with an excuse of having children returning from time with their dad, or maybe the biblical I am sorry I have bought me a team of oxen…Even the bible is rife with usable excuses.

But hey!  Back to page one after this rocky trip around the universe.  I long for the salon gig.  I’d stand and read Oriah’s “Invitation” with a background of the sea and a hundred candles twinkling.  Then again, I just might read some of my own prose while someone spontaneously dissolved those images of mine on the wall.

But, now there would be interruptions of dings of approaching texts.  Unless of course, I demanded a cell free zone and put a basket outside the door where one could dump all electronic devices.

Much to ponder as the bath water cools and the snow outside melts.

Another day of of What if I had Nothing whatsoever I had to do today at all.

To the End of the Earth

by madamtruefire1, posted in Fabulous research, Heart, international travel, Reprisal, Romance, Uncategorized

A very stately elder gentleman friend of mine has recently stated that there are few people for which he would travel to the end of the Earth.  I pondered that statement and then said  “Tell me about this.”

He closed his eyes for a few moments and then tried to explain.

“Well, there are a lot of babes in my past:  You know, the good-looking girls with little to say, the  intelligent ones that could really converse, the good friend types that were comfortable, but I have to admit, I wouldn’t have gone to the end of the earth with any of them.  This one, this gal, I am willing to put my money on the line and see where it goes.  And yes, it feels different.  This feels different.  This feels like love.”   I stood up and gave him a standing ovation.  After all, I have been in his life for twenty years, and seen him in and outside of a marriage and wondered.  I never thought in a million years that he would find someone for the happy ever after.   And now he’s pondering the end of the earth junket?

I love the thought:  to the end of the earth.  I’m glad Galileo figured out that it is round, or we’d fall off for being goozy with someone and yes, following them to the end of the earth.

But wicked humor aside, it is a lovely thought.  I have to wonder how many people really have ever felt that way about anyone in their lives, even their spouses.  It caused me to sort of workshop my own history and so I went over a mental list:  no, never, you’ve got to be kidding, maybe, huh, d’know, another weak maybe and then I screeched to a halt.

OH YEAH!, John.  I would have gone to the ends of the earth for that fine fellow, and in many ways I did.  He’s gone now, left way too soon, or I would still be doing “Same Time Next Year” with him, somehow, even if we got to walkers and guide dogs.  But why John? why not the man I married? why not that other dreary list of maybes and d’knows?

I think it has to do with serendipity, magic, and the ole tried and true, falling in love.  Things look different from the other side of rose-colored glasses.  The practical to do list of a relationship simply flies out the window.  It makes no sense to make sense of any of it.  So maybe it also has the attribute of surrender, to a what the hell, I’ve never felt quite this way in my entire life.

Now some may run far from this realization.  Some may hide in a stable of wannabes…men are particularly good at that option,  But ever so now and then, the bug bites and the “victim” surrenders.

But I need to get back to the End of the Earth gig.  Sure, falling in love is written about in just about every category of existence.  It’s the bug bite thing, the itch that needs to be scratched, the feeling of falling…not rising…falling, through space, with a kind of out of control lack of direction.  I’ve always counselled that this feeling this falling in love thing lasts eight or so weeks.  The can’t live with out it business gets dusty about then and a more practical side sets in.  ……for most…..but then there are those rare couples that stay goozy for a life time.

I remember an old actor once talking about his marriage of 50 years.  He said, “Hell, I still want to grab her in into my arms as soon as I hear her key in the lock.”  WOW.  That’s impressive.  But, hey, that’s how I felt about John.  Every time I’d see him, even after thirty years, I just had to catch my breath.  The sex had gone to the retired end of things but the wow moment hadn’t.  I cherished him.  That’s it.  I cherished him.

So back to the 8 weeks of falling in and out of love for most, it takes a transition of sorts. Falling in love is some sort of whaky mechanism to get pheromones cracking toward the perpetuation of the human race.  Let’s face it, and let’s blame pheromones.  But science aside, loving is a completely different ball of wax.  It requires some sense of time, wounding, losing, finding, staying the distance but it ain’t falling off the rooftops with passion. …….unless it is.

After all the ins and outs of trying to figure out my life of princes charming, dark knights, cool dudes and just plain fabulous men, I guess the Ends of the Earth statement brought me to my knees.  TWO out of 50 or so (no I am not a trollup, I just have years on this one), made the cut.  TWO!  But John, could take all of my frequent flyer miles, if he had asked.

My proper gentleman friend is pondering this as we speak.  He and his sweetheart are going to Antarctica together on a boat cruise.  Now that’s the test of a lifetime, for me at least:  a boat surrounded by water for many many days, a tiny stateroom, and lots of folks we don’t know.  It can mark disaster or the most wonderful adventure of all time, but yes, it is to the ends of the earth, and he knows it.  Smitten? oh yes,  smitten.

As I sit and drink my second cup of coffee, I stare out at freshly falling snow.  Suddenly, I am sitting with John somewhere in time and the feeling I had has not diminished.  He passed some ten years back and I still love him to bits and will so far beyond my years.

And when it comes to the End of my earth?  You bet your sweet ass, I’ll be looking for him on the other side.

Confessions of a Closet Novelist

by madamtruefire1, posted in Fabulous research, international travel, Uncategorized, writing on the hoof

I’ve read copious volumes of how-tos on writing, publishing, writing a proposal and diving into social marketing. Call me a rebel with a cause but I find most of it a bit dreary and a buzz kill.  Still, I shuffle on to some ever-present voice suggesting subtle innuendos.

I once attended a fabulous workshop for Mystery Writers.  At the time, I was more interested in the fluffy side of things….you know, fantasy, happy ever after stuff.  But I threw myself into a milieu of fairly creepy individuals for three days and three nights.  Yes, wine was involved after 5.  It was a grand experience in climbing out of one’s zone and into another.  Hey, there was even a class entitled, “How to commit murder and get away with it.”

I’m not at all implying that the class about getting away with murder was a how-to per se.  But I have to tell you, the attendees jumped in with both feet.  What I concluded is that we all have parts of us that meander into some pretty freaky realms.  So I sat in the back and listened.  That room was filled with “what if” specialists.  A good mystery isn’t worth a damn without surprises and twists and turns.  That is the business of a “what if” specialist.  For the first time in all my writing years, I was in the room with people who definitely climbed out of their boxes on a daily basis.

One of the best workshops was a dialog with someone from the CIA sitting opposite another person from the FBI.  Priceless!  It caused a stirring, not in my loins, but in my what if? o meter.  I started me thinking about writing a thoroughly creepy novel.  It toys with me to this day.  It will not write itself unless I am in a room full of creative writers and have a prompt.

The first page started in a precious group of women seeking joy and peace.  As we proceeded around the room to read our treasures, I wondered if I would be thrown out for sheer shock of what I had on the paper in front of me.  They had read about their search for self, climbing of the obstacles of being a woman and the general healing of female comradery.  I, on the other hand had written something that was a cross between a spy novel and a potential murder mystery.  When I read it aloud, I looked up.  Their faces were shocked but a good shock.  One of the writers asked, “How on earth did you write that cool thing?”  I responded, “I haven’t a clue”.   She then asked, “What happens next?” I answered: “I haven’t a clue”.   And so my career as a mystery writer is still on the outer edge of possibility.

I try to surround myself with “what if” specialists but I guess it is up to me and my muses to keep going on this one.  Recently, I met a woman in her fifties and I paused and stared. There she was!  I couldn’t help myself and commented.  “Wow, you look exactly like the main character I am writing about.”  The woman is a very serious medical doctor with a minimum of creative humor.  She said, “What on earth do you mean?”   I bowed my head and said, “Forgive me, but I am writing a mystery novel and you fill the part of the protagonist.”  True to form, she smiled dimly and walked on.

So here I am, wondering.  Will my babe in question be an MD with a secret, one that will get her killed, or will she in her flowing cape save the world?  I’ll answer again, “I haven’t a clue.”

Back in Scotland, when I was writing my Merlin novel, I had the habit of going to the pub of an evening.  In defense, it had wi-fi.  It also had the best fish n chips and draft brew in all of Scotland.  I would stare out at the waves and write.  The publican, also a writer, would ask me to read to her.  I did so but softly so not to disturb the locals.  One night, one of the locals asked:  “Where is Merlin now?”  I smiled.  He had actually heard me reading.  I responded:  “He’s been riding his horse in the middle of the night for three nights.  I can’t figure out how to get him off the horse.”

One day I had lunch at that auspicious pub.  Again, I was reading to my helpmate who would suggest things to me.  A fellow over to the side spoke. “I know where you can get that published.”  I smiled.  “Really?”.  He gave me the name and I wrote it down.  I then, the scientific side of me said, “Off hand, why this person?”  The fellow went into somewhat of a lengthy story about the frugality of Scots.  I finally stopped him and asked, “Sorry, I don’t get what you are trying to tell me.”  He smiled. “The publisher lives very frugally and loves your kind of writing.  I know him.  He will love your book.  And by the way, he is the one who took a chance on Harry Potter.”

Now you’d think I would have grabbed him and got his name et al.  I didn’t.  I just sat there and loved the moment.  Call me naive.  Call me a dreamer but I plan to hand deliver my manuscript to that very publisher this summer when it is done.  Oh and it is a mystery fantasy so I’m still dealing with the what ifs.

Maybe what I have learned is writing is a journey.  Like little Red Riding Hood (Writing Hood????), I follow the bread crumbs along the path.  Maybe that was Hansel and Gretel. Hell, I don’t remember, but bread crumbs along the path are actually clues and I am wide open to clues.

This summer, I’ll jump back into that mystery gig of 4 days.  THIS time, I’ll be one of them.

Musings from the tub

by madamtruefire1, posted in Uncategorized

OK, I’m a lady scientist.  I believe in experimentation so I’m sitting in the bath tub complete with aromatherapy bath bomb salts.  Speaking of experimentation, who in the marketing department of this said aroma device thought up “Bath Bomb”.  Haven’t we got enough to worry about THE BOMB in the news media?  Do we honestly have to carry this idea into our peaceful bath?

So, first, I am drawing a line in the sand.  No more bath bombs!  Give me lavender scented epsom salts in the economy container at Wally’s World.  Oh dear, I just confessed it.  I would be drilled out of Berkeley and other snooty areas of the Bay area for this admission.  I purchased something at the W. store. Even speaking the “W”, causes thetrue snoots to start backing slowly away in horror.

Yes I go to W. mart, the D. Store and Groc Out and finish up with a semi snooty cruise through TJs.  In the end, I’ve mixed with every walk of life and had a ball. Sure, I occasionally encounter people who look silently in horror and push their carts briskly past, kind of like I’m an escapee from some asylum.  But the other folks, the let’s play kind of folks love to hang and chat and just stop for a moment from the insanity of our world right now.    I’ve bonded over fluffy blankets with a superb dame at Groc. Out who was searching for something soft for her sis in the hospital.  It was fabulous working with her to find the best and softest blanky for her sister.  I’ve chatted with a young woman at the W.  over nasal spray and antihistamine.  After all, I’m a scientist. I know this stuff backwards and forwards and am the sneeze high priestess of allergy season.

OK You guessed it. I’d talk to a dead squirrel if desperate enough. I live in the woods and pride myself on being a semi recluse.  The truth is, I love being alone and hanging out in nature but then I have to escape to folks, live folks, anywhere and who may just take the time to say hello, let alone smile. The Methodists throw a monthly pancake breakfast.  I wouldn’t miss it when I’m in town.  In fact, I troll for those individuals who will actually play back.  There are a few up here, but they are an endangered species.  Humor is often suspect.  Last Saturday, I cruised up to this perfectly nice gentleman and said: “Congratulations, you just earned the booby prize for sitting next to a chatty Cathy who has had way too much caffeine.”  He looked a bit confused, but I have to give him credit.  He smiled, hung in with the conversation and didn’t call the white coats.

I frequently pet sit to get my cat and dog fix and let’s face it,  every guy alive has learned that a dog on a leash is a chick magnet.  It doesn’t cut both ways.  Still, I’m a bit long on the tooth and don’t own a perfectly groomed and barky Pomeranian, let alone possess a size 4 figure in a running suit. But this is another experiment I performed in San Francisco.  My site there is approximately six blocks to the dog park.  This the the city’s mode of socializing hounds, on cement with other peeing and pooing canines and their humans.  Don’t get me started on dog tapeworms and other delights that can be passed on paws and collegial sniffs. It took three months of vetting before I felt I almost belonged to the human pod that gathered on that cement site.

There are numerous paths to this park and most have trees to sniff and pee upon along the way.  My “renta dog” loves it, especially the sniffing part.  Last year, I decided to count the humans, more precisely, humans that performed one of three life threatening actions: 1. he/she smiled,  2. he/she made eye contact, and 3. he/she actually said hello.

Now, I tried it first in the busy lane of stores on 24th st.  It’s known for its shops and lively atmosphere and it’s dog friendly.  Store owners even put out water dishes during the summer.  How cool is that?   Twenty-three humans passed.  None performed the above three considerations or even a single one.  Guinness dog, an elegant mini schnauzer and I returned home to try yet again another day.

I then pursued the streets leading down to the dog park.  Human research: Two out of eighteen performed one of the three communication options.  I finally tried “active reciprocity”, a big term for “initiate and see”.  Again, two out of eighteen.

The sixteen remaining were in their personal zones of their own creation.  A city friend said, “Hey, they have boundaries.”

Oh give me a break, smiling boundaries?

So I’m writing up a scientific report with my conclusions.  Tight sphinctered individuals with way too much time to do their self-introspection develop accelerated levels of angst.  Heck, so would I if I efforted so much with the Greta Garbo “I vont to be alone” stance.

So next time I’m in the Bay area, I’m going to do another experiment.  I will actively smile, make eye contact and say hello to eighteen out of eighteen.  I’ll report  back to you on my results.

Yikes! I’ve wandered far from base.  I started this treatise in the bath.  It’s now turned lukewarm and I’m not soaked sufficiently yet.  In truth, I’m on a quest that requires another scientific experiment.

Here’s the deal. I put out a call for the perfect board to lay across the tub so I could write my articles unscathed and without watermarks.  It needed to be precisely 29 x 7 x 1 inch. Please refer to my previous article as God forbid I should repeat myself.

Yesterday noon, my favorite elder hippie Willie Nelson look-alike who does a mean percussion jam called.  Is that really a sentence?  He had found the perfect board, and get this, bless his heart, he was sanding it.  He came over and installed the board and yes, I am test driving it for the following parameters:  height, distance and sturdiness.

Erma Bombeck step on by.  I’ll write my next novel from here.  This board is the perfect length, width and depth.  The distance allows me to lean back and best of all I can write on tilt or level with the board.  My writing is water spotless!  I am now a fierce and dedicated writing  machine afloat.

I think I’ll do my taxes from here.

writing in tub

 

How to Hold the Heart of a Woman 2018 and onward to forever

by madamtruefire1, posted in Heart, Humor Insights, Romance, Uncategorized

It’s really very simple.  After all that’s said and done.

After all the bellowing of liberation and believe me suits

and attache cases, we still appreciate:

  1. Flowers that arrive for no reason whatsoever.
  2. Gifts of thoroughly and irrevocably impractical “girl things”.
  3. Being shown how to clean our battery terminals.
  4. Helping to snow shovel the driveway.
  5. Saying “Yahoo, go get em!” when we do something wildly courageous.
  6. Holding hands in public or at least winking at us while we walk together.
  7. Finding things that have disappeared on our Hard drive.
  8. Dancing slowly and silkily to an old tune….in public and private.
  9. Listening to what we have to say and at least appearing interested.
  10. Compassionately explaining confusing electronics
  11. Covering us in cashmere when we are napping
  12. Calling us “my girl”, sweetheart or love, at least once a year.
  13. Calling on a Thursday afternoon, just to say “I love you.”
  14. Holding us in your arms and saying absolutely NOTHING.

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                                                 Madam Truefire  1994  updated 2017

Rent A Mongoose

by madamtruefire1, posted in Animal Rights, Humor Insights, Uncategorized

This week I spent precious time with a glorious feline companion named Sophie.   We encountered two snakes, a teenage rattler and something quite slithery and unknown. My search for information and safety let me down many roads and aside from buying a used mongoose on the web, there are a number of action items to consider, ponder, pray upon and inspire:

  1. Don’t wear open toed sandals when in an area of snake presence.  Boots, and even those cool wellingtons (name for high rubber boots in Scotland, will dull the fangs of any self respecting reptile.  Did I mention that you need to shake out any b00ts that have been stored in the garage?  Meandering reptiles and insects LOVE dark recesses.  So don’t put your feet inside without checking first.  And don’t reach in with your bare hand.  I know this should be obvious, but what the heck.
  2. Don’t wear a flowing caftan.  It looks cool in the patio, but a snake up the skirt  can be avoided by wearing jeans.  Oh and don’t wear the tight jeans.   You are defeating the purpose, sexy and bitten won’t get you much longevity.   Again, the fangs of a snake don’t go far into jeans.
  3. Though a pussy cat LOVES adventure, and anything moving, and I do mean anything, a tight leash is life saving.   She will see a reptile before you do and leap to snag it. Predator to predator, the snake could be victor. So unless you have complete eyes in front, back and peripherally,on your head (some aliens do), don’t let her meander into any bush space at all.
  4. When seeing a snake, grabbing the pussycat and running like hell MAY work, but if the snake is coiled I’d beat it over the head with the golf iron and then run. Wise male friend takes exception to whacking with golf club.  He says the snakes strike range is further out than the length of a golf club.  So walk back slowly.    Do NOT turn back, just back away VERY SLOWLY.    Snakes react to quick movement like the rest of us.
  5.   OK, about now, let’s start humming, “We shall overcome”, or playing it on a kazoo.  Maybe the snakes are humming it to themselves.  After all, they were here first.
  6. Keeping an imaginative and exploring feline happy is the challenge.More important, keeping her alive is my focus. So we sing, I read to here and we nap.  When yowling occurs, I speak quietly about the snake situation and most of the time she quiets down.  IF it doesn’t work, take her out front and she will be bored to tears.  Her meowing will cease when she has told you that this is NOT her favorite stalking ground.
  7. I propose a mechanical snake or lizard in the house, run on batteries. But then that may be teaching her the wrong thing or emphasizing the joy of snake and lizard hunting.
  8. A snake fence is a capital idea.  Still, I think snakes can figure that sort of thing out, can’t they burrow?  Good Lord, this is starting to sound like a scene from NCIS.  By the way, one of my military male friends suggested getting buck shot or something involving a gun and shooting the snake’s head off.Trust me, I will NOT go there for a variety of reasons. And besides, my eyesight and aim would insure that the fence was hit before the reptile.
  9. Another friend just called in and said:for God’s sake tell themnot to sit on a boulder or rock. That’s where snakes like to hide.  Being bitten on the backside is just for starters on this one.

So what I would suggest is the following:  Be CAREFUL, Be alert, Dress protectively, stay the heck away from bushes, and BE IN CHARGE.  Pussycat will argue with you, but pussycat will remain alive with your guidance.

OK, let’s talk about instructions for what if?

  1. Vet instructions and map to vet are essential.
  2. Time of walking should be before 4PM to avoid any emergency taking place when the closest vet is not open

But let’s get down to brass tacks.  The animal caregiver needs to stay alive to protect the pussycat.

  1. A rather important item is listing the nearest ER for the human, in case he/she is bitten.  Sure 911, is a fabulous idea, but living in the hills and with the economy cutbacks in California, waiting for Godot will not save anyone’s life.   A friend had a situation recently on her property.  She knew enough to keep calm and keep her heart above the suspected bite, oh Lord, research that one.

But one thing she said:  a 911 team does NOT carry snake bite kit or antivenom kit.  You are going to love this one:  Her advice was to tell 911 the exact road to take to the place (ER) and say you will them in your car, license plate given and flashing lights as you  meet them half way. Now I have to tell you, this is a cool idea, but how many of us are going to be calm enough to do that one.

Another friend suggested a snake bite kit.  Allegedly it removes the venom on several occasions. Some articles bash this kit saying that it only removes 2  to 3%  of  the  venom, and not in muscular areas.  I, for one, am not going to take any chances and go with the statistics and not buy one at Big 5 or another store that sells them.  They are not expensive, and COULD SAVE YOUR, repeat, YOUR life. This option is still up for grabs. I think I’d have one around “in case”, but use it only if physician advised. I returned one I purchased as it was too intricate. There are really simple ones available on line. Another person from Marin told me that you can buy antivenin (or antivenom)but I’d research this a whole lot further with a reliable vet and a physician. Yet another snake advisor recommended snake immunization. This needs far more research.

So there you have it,  Short of renting a mongoose on Ebay, it takes a lot of awareness and caution.

p.s. Just got an email, and a tweet, from a Mother Snake. She has reminded me that           snakes do a lot of good stuff. She recommended having a picture atlas of harmless snakes like King and Garter who keep the rodent population at bey. folks that have lived in the desert areas take snakes for granted. They are part of the topography and simply need to be respected. A  lot of folks say that snakes are shy and will move away, but let’s face it, we need to be prepared when in snake country.  I suspect I shall be getting a tweet from a Mother Rat soon enough. Frankly, I am sending out a call for all of us critters, large and small to be AWARE and use common sense and also to be prepared for any emergency.  Amen.  Kumbaya, and kazoo at rest.